Wednesday, January 7, 2009

A Prayer On Being Made Redundant

I'm going into a year of not buying anything, which of course necessitated buying things. There was a trip to Target for two pairs of running/yoga pants and four pairs of emergency backup underwear. Despite my feelings about "things," I was pleased to see that Champion now has girl-size running skirts, yoga pants, and workout capris, with pink banding and piping. My daughter wanted one and I caved--she always needs pants, since she grows like a weed and every pair becomes capris in two or three months (while we're still taking in the waists). There's still, shockingly, a lot of talk about certain things being "not for girls" or "not wanting to be sporty" among my daughter and her friends, and if it takes a sparkly running skirt to change that thinking, it's OK by me.

Add to the consumer frenzy a couple of bra tops and a clutch of perfume samples from ScentBar--it's a lot easier to survive on a giant jug of Dr. Bronners for a year if you know you've got something good to put on afterward.

Of course I'm seeing all these books I want. I'll have to re-learn how to use the library. The last time I did this was about five years ago, and I was too busy/tired to go anywhere but the children's section of libraries.

A half-dozen signs have been steering me to Elizabeth Hardwick, so I picked up Sleepless Nights again, since that's what I'm having plenty of: "When you travel, your first discovery is that you do not exist."

I wish I were traveling. I have been getting smacked down, stomped on, talked to condescendingly, snidely, evilly, sniffed and snorted at, blown off, oh, it goes on. This world is telling me: Shut up and go away, you silly old woman. In the past few weeks I've seriously considered stopping everything but work, running and gardening, becoming a recluse but for the necessity of work. When you put yourself out there, you get put down; it's the law of averages. My spirits--eeny, meeny, sesameenie--say wait until the full moon. You'll hear something that'll tell you whether that's the way to go.

The Church of England has issued prayers for those who have been laid off as well as those left behind. I wish the Rev. Ike would put out his version.


Allison said...

For my own selfish reasons, I certainly hope you don't go into recluse stage...I'll have to have a word with the full moon.

Let us know how the library trip goes!

Maria Padhila said...

I'm being overdramatic--sorry. In the space of a few weeks, I saw one project sink and another blow apart in a political struggle. Disheartening. But it really hurts to hear the things I do from people in media and publishing. Today an email from someone scarily talented, who's behind a whole shift in publishing and changed things for so many people, writes: "everything I know how to do doesn't seem to matter in this world at all." Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa! Somebody make it stop!
I think the only way to make the discouragement stop is to keep going, foolishly. Which I'm good at.