Give Up (the Frontal) Already

Why Californication Sucks:
1) No one wants to fuck a writer that bad.
2) No one tells a writer: "Oh, you have the talent of all the muses, and you, you're just squandering it! Oh, write, write, you must serve your talent!" Unless they're a deflated longtime civil servant talking to a bleached-blonde cougar like your narrator at a suburban continuing-ed short-fiction workshop and they want to get laid.
3) And they're married. Bad boy!
4) You don't get a cute little v-cut like that above the ass if you spend your whole life sitting in bars or in your dumb car.
5) Frontal, frontal, who's got the frontal? Once again, burdens fall unfairly upon the women. Sisters, rise above! Or maybe don't. Seems you're always above on this show. Let DD do the work once in a while.
6) Snark-packed script sounds like the writers been stealing from the House trashcans. "Tune in next week, when Hank's dick makes a last-minute, lifesaving diagnosis!"